Alex The Great

Here is one of Inday’s misadventures in Kapamilya Deal or No Deal! I’m sure Kris would really faint upon meeting “Inday”.

 

******************************************************

 

Kris:
Magandang gabi mga kapamilya, sa gameshow na ito importante ang sagot
sa nag-iisang katanungang Deal or no Deal. Ang ating player ngayong
gabi ay walang iba kundi ang fastest-rising household service s manager
na si Inday!

 

Kris: Ok Inday, choose a briefcase.

 

Inday: Kris, I would opt for case #4 please.

 

Kris: Briefcase # 4… si Sharmel. Inday, matanong ko lang, how did you come up with the number 4?

 

Inday: Oh, do you really want to know Kris?

 

Kris: Oo naman. I’m sure kaya ko naman maintindihan yung sasabihin mo eh.

 

Inday:
The number 4 was acquired based on a probability distribution function
that involves integrating up to an area greater than or equal to that
random number which should be generated between 0 and 1 for proper
distributions.

 

Kris: Syet. tanong tanong pa kasi eh.

 

Kris: Ok Inday, choose 6 briefcases to open.

 

Inday : I would opt for 7, 24, 12, 2, 15 and 20.

 

Kris: Wait lang Inday, usually isa isa lang ang pagbubukas natin ng case…

 

Inday:
Why is that? As if I can change the outcome if we’re to open a case
each time I blurt out a number as opposed to opening each case
immediately one after the other right?

 

Kris: Hayyy…babaguhin pa talaga mechanics.

 

Kris: Anwyay, di bale na lang nga… tuloy tayo. Number 7. Natalie buksan na!!

 

[Y ung audience sumisigaw ng LOWER!! LOWER!!!]

 

Kris:
Teka lang, bago natin buksan… Inday, usually ang mga contestants naten
ay sumisigaw ng “LOWER” every time magbubukas ng case.

 

Inday:
Kris, I guess that’s not the way I was taught in grade school. You see,
I was taught that we should only use the comparative form of the word
or add “ER” to the adjective if we are comparing two things. And since
it is only the first briefcase that we are going to open, we have
nothing to compare it to. Am I right?

 

[natahimik ang audience at napaisip]

 

Kris: Oo nga no!

 

Kris: Sige Natalie, Buksan mo na.

[Ang laman ng briefcase 7 ay Piso… Palakpakan ang mga tao]

 

Kris: Good start! Ano yung next case mo ulit?

 

Inday : Case number 24 please.

 

Kris: Chloe… buksan na…

[Audience sumisigaw ulit ng LOWER!!LOWER!!]

 

Kris: Wait lang guys, Inday may nabuksan ng case baket di ka pa rin sumisigaw ng “Lower”?

 

Inday:
Oh my goodness Kris, how long have you been doing this? Have you ever
encountered a value that is lower than a peso in this game? Tell me, is
there any value left lower than the one we just opened? Sheesh.

 

[Napaisip ulit ang audience at natahimik]

Kris: Aarrgghh!!!! Chloe buksan na lang nga, pati na rin yung 12, 2, 15 and 20 buksan na rin para matapos na.

 

[naiirita na]

 

[At sunod sunod na ngang nabukas ang mga case ni Inday] (nag-ring ang phone)

 

Inday:
Ahh Kris, to save more time can you tell Banker that I’m not interested
in his first offer. In the history of this game of chance, I have yet
to see someone accept a first offer from the banker. It’s quite
pathetic and pretentious for contestants to pause and look around the
audience as if asking for advice before ultimately rejecting the first
offer. I mean come on, isn’t that a waste of airtime?

 

Banker: Potahhh!!! [narinig sa set kahit sarado ang kwarto ni banker]

 

- Ito ang unang pagkakataon na marinig ng mga audience ang boses ni banker sa Deal or no Deal. … dumating na sa kalagitnaan ng show at mukhang minamalas na si Inday…

 

Kris:
Ok Inday, mukhang kelangan na natin ng tulong sa mga friends mo… sino
ba yung bigotilyong lalaki na naka- polo? Ano name nya?

 

Inday: Ahh, that’s my master Mr. Montemayor.

Kris: Ahhh sya pala yun, how cute naman pala eh. Sige sir, give us a number.

Mr. Montemayor: Hi Kris, good evening. I’m a fan. I choose number 12 please.

 

Kris: Ano Inday ok ba yung number 12?

 

Inday: Whatever, we shouldn’t bite the hand that feeds us anyway. Go ahead.

 

Kris: [taray naman] Sofie, buksan na!

[ang laman ng briefcase 12 ay 5,000]

 

Kris: Good job! Sino naman yung gwapong lalake na naka jumper na katabi ni Mr. Montemayor? What’s his name?

 

Inday: Ahh, that’s my on again off again boyfriend, Dodong the gardener.

 

Kris: Ooohh, sya pala yun. Ok Dodong, give us a number!

 

Dodong: Hi babes, I choose briefcase 9 if it’s ok with you. If not, it’s ok with me as long as it’s ok with you.

 

Kris: Ano raw? Inday, number 9 daw ok say0?

 

Inday : Yes Kris, it’s fine with me.

 

Kris: Wow ang bait pag kay Dodong.     Ederlyn… buksan na!!

 

…nanlaki ang mga mata ni Inday at hindi sya makapaniwala. Natahimik at mukhang kakapusin sya ng hininga…

 

Inday: YOU!!! How dare you invade my moment!

[na
gulat si Kris at ang mga audience sa reaksyon ni Inday. Nagpatawag si
Kris ng commercial break at nagpakuha ng tubig para kay Inday.]

 

Nagkatitigan sina Inday at Ederlyn.

Nakangisi si Ederlyn habang hawak ang briefcase ni Inday.

 

Ederlyn: Pinapangako ko, Inday… pagbukas luluhod ang mga tala! hahahahaha!

 

Inday: What? Can you speak up? What are you mumbling up there. Can somebody give her a microphone please?

 

Kris: Ano ba!! Tama na nga ang drama ninyo, Ederlyn buksan mo na ang case at umexit ka na kung ayaw mong mapalitan!

 

(naiirita na si Kris)

 

Dali-daling binuksan ni Ederlyn ang briefcase at ang laman ay… P3,000,000.

 

Nangh inayang ang mga audience… Ang mga natirang values ay 250, 1K, 20K, 50K, and 500K.

 

Inday: NooOoo…. (sabay tingin kay Dodong at napapaluha), how could you… Dodong: I’m so sorry Inday, please forgive me.

 

Kris: Hayyy, drama again. Ang offer ni banker sa pagbabalik ng Kapamilya,Deal.. or No Deal!

 

[pagtapos ng commercial break… mukhang composed na ulit si Inday]

 

Kris:
Inday, are you okay? Ang offer ni banker ay 99 thousand pesos. ‘Sing
rami siguro ng pilipinong pinadugo mo na ilong. Is it a Deal or No
Deal?

 

Tahimik
lang si Inday tilang may kinocompute sa ulo habang ang mga audience ay
nagsisigawan ng “No Deal”, ang iba naman ay “Deal”.

 

Kris: Wait lang, kung mapapansin ninyo we have only have 5 cases left, and among those 5, apat doon ay mas maliit na value…

 

Inday: Kris, do you mind? Can I do my own thinking?

 

Natameme si Kris, pati ang audience ay natahimik.

 

Kris: Taray to the max! (pabulong sa sarili)

 

Ind

ay:
Ok, I’m ready. Upon looking at the reality of the situation, 80% of the
cases left have at least 49K less than the banker’s offer. The only way
I can do better than what is offered is that if my case contains the
500k or I’d get to open one of the four lower values. But I have to
keep in mind that there’s only 20% probability that this would happen.
I have to take note, however, that the banker’s offer is roughly around
15% lower than the offer I expected based on the arithmetic mean of the
values left.

 

Kris: Lorddd… panaginip ba ‘to?Ayokonaaa….

 

Inday: Accepting a deal for less than the mean should generally be regarded as a weak decision so I would say, NO DEAL!

 

Limang briefcase na lang ang natitira at kasama na doon ang case ni Inday…

 

Kris: My God, nakaka-stress itong episode na ito ha. Baka dumugo na rin ang ilong ko sa’yo Inday. Sige Inday, go ahead and choose 1 briefcase!

 

Inday: Ok Kris, I choose briefcase #5 please?

 

Kris: Briefcase #5! Mimi bago mo buksan yan I would first like to thank Figliarina by Schubizz for my sandals, Bambi Fuentes for my hair and make-up and Pepsi Herrera for my gown tonight.

 

Kris: Ok Mimi, buk…

 

Inday: Ahh Kris, can I also take time to thank a few people? I mean, I did save us a few minutes of airtime right?

 

Kris: (“kapal naman talaga ng mukha”… bulong sa sarili) Sige, ok lang go ahead. (naka-smile pa rin)

 

Inday:
Thanks! Yes, I would like to thank Frank Provost for my hair and
make-up, Jimmy Choo for my sandals and my dear friend Oscar dela Renta
for my gown tonight.

 

BLAG!!
Tinumba ni Kris ang podium at nagwalk-out. Hindi na natapos ang show
kaya’t binigyan na lang ni Banker si Inday ng kalahating milyon para sa
kanyang oras.

 

Inday: Oh, and thanks to the people of Cartier for sending me these nice earrings for tonight!

 

(Ito ang isa sa mga un-aired episode ng Kapamilya, Deal or No Deal)

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